Daughter of Two Very Proud Asian Parents Who Choose To Go Into Filming Than Accounting
(This could be my official sign off someday. Hah!)
Pixie Dusts & Unicorns
Dear friends who still reads my lonesome blog,
My life is a mess. Not in a way like oh-shit-I-have-no-idea-what-to-do-next but more like why-is-everything-everywhere and I-don't-want-to-care-anymore kinda mess.
Truth to be told, I'm second guessing if this stress load is worth my time and effort. I have chosen the road less taken. The intriguing roller coaster ride. The banishment of joy. The sorrow that created Edvard Munch's The Scream painting. But I'm still alive.
Deliberating the pathway to my future, I need to 'suck up' to this immense stressful times and measure the benefits of this experience that I would somehow gain from it to be put to practice in my future career as (hopefully and maybe) a lecturer/advisor.
As quoted by David Duchemin, he said "Failure is a much more faithful teacher than immediate success." Clearly he has not been in a position where failure is not allowed or he would have said "Everyone else fails but me, because I'm Asian and I was created to prove the impossible." Damn straight son.
Very stereotyping, I know. But it's true.
High Achiever Asian Girl Wannabe
Dear future Jean,
You are currently stuck in your parent's car in a heavy traffic jam on LDP. And randomly enough you've decide to cure your boredom by writing this entry on your 3 year old Samsung S3 phone.
Your life has been a craze recently. Working tirelessly for an event, handling so many things at once and your desire to be wanderlust have all been consuming your time. But let me remind you. When you look back at this entry, you would have lived a very fulfilling life and (can't believe I'm saying this myself) YOLO all the time.
You must have laughed because YOLO is no longer a trending word at your era now. I'm so proud of you though, I know and believe that you will continue to be a better person. But pleaseeeee, stop worrying so much! You're older and weaker now and worrying is just a waste of time. Speaking of time, it's no longer our friend. If you have not gone to places you wishes you've went, please do so because I so wanna know what it is like to be wanderlust.
Lastly, I'll be turning 21 tomorrow. Yay! Another chapter to celebrate of my life. I'll officially be an adult, no more parent's consent form etc. I do hope when I turn 30, I would be less of a cry baby because that would be SO EMBARRASSING. Remember when you watch the birthday video that Claire has prepared with everyone you've loved in it and talking about how you've impacted people's lives. Do remember to catch up with them and remember that there's always someone there for you. Even the Big Daddy up there is for you to seek out to ♥
I hope you're wiser and smarter than me right now.
Soon-to-be 21 year old Jean.
My first ever book review in 21 years of my life. Here it goes:
There are ample of things and situations that I can relate to Divergent's values and beliefs. There's forgiveness after betrayal, love after hatred, trust after doubt; basically it's a whole package of life stories and values.
But the one thing that impacted me the most was the ending of the story. (Spoiler alert!) I've spent many nights reading all the books, skipping meals and sleeps, and it boils down to......Tris being killed. YES. She died in the end. I was devastated and confused and angry. Why must she die? Tobias and Tris deserve the "happily ever after" ending just like Hunger Games. Actually, they deserve it more, I believe.
After crying for a whole 5 minutes while struggling to finish the remaining pages of the book from Tobias's story (in which I cried even harder). I couldn't bare it. I went on to the internet and search "why must tris die?". Lo and behold, I found an interview with Veronica Roth, the author of Divergent trilogy, explaining the meaning of the ending. (read it here)
This is the turning point of everything I have understood about dying. Veronica said that Tris had to die because she finally learns what it actually means to sacrifice herself. She didn't die in the water tank, she didn't die while she hands herself over to Erudite HQ and after all that has happened, the death of her parents and Will, betrayal from Caleb; she no longer wants to die because of the pain and guilt she has felt. But she now knows what does true sacrifice means, it's sacrificing your own life to save a whole population from being killed (in this context it means erasing everyone's memory. Read the book and you'll know what I'm talking about).
I knew that something was gonna go south when Tris tells Christina that she will always be there for her. And when Tris tells Tobias that they will have a new life together once the mission is completed.
Little did I know, she was already gone.
Many time we do things because we feel that if we don't do it, the regret that comes after it will eat us up and there will be a hole in us). What I'm trying to say is that death is not a simple decision. And life is not to be taken for granted.
The last words that Tris spoke to Tobias through Caleb was "If I don't make it, tell Tobias I didn't want to leave him".
I mourned for days. I would wake up and think about the meaning of death. It haunted me so badly I couldn't read a new book so soon. It's like I needed to recover from a bad break up. A week later, I know that I need to stop thinking about it and start to live my life again but with a new vision.
My favorite line from this trilogy series : "Be brave."
Seems like I have not written for a year! Unbelievable...
It has been a long journey. A journey that I couldn't believe I made it through alive..but I'm barely breathing. Looking back at what I have accomplish in these 11 months is beyond my expectation. I have come so far from where I have started! Met some incredibly amazing people, learned so much from great leaderships, stumble and fall along the way, reconcile with God again and again... After all these, I still question myself this : Am I living the life of a godly person? Or am I still worldly?
Yes, I made some mistakes and hurt some people. But I'm not perfect. Well, I try to be.. I work hard and push my limits (physically and mentally). It is the expectation that people have set on me that has hurt them. Because they didn't expect the mistakes coming from me. I'm always the "can-do" and "perfectionist" girl. Agree?
However, I know I still have a longer and wider bridge to build and cross over but it takes time and sacrifices along the way..
Am I ready for that? To be stretch by God?
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